(705):

Did you know turtles breathe out of their butt?

(705):

…Hello boyfriend, I missed you too, I love how normal our conversations are..

(605):

Apparently Hoover was gay

(262):

Huh. Like the vacuum guy? It would make sense. Gay guys are so clean.

(605):

I think I found the party people. The people that if, you wanted to party, you would party with.

(605):

I’m pretty sure ‘Stephen’ is still drunk from the night before. Also, he coughed up blood in the shower this morning and he has yet to wake up.

(262):

If they’re not watching disney movies and gossiping at these parties, then they are not the people I would want to party with

(262):

Ok. Be honest. Do you find Kevin Bacon creepy? (in general, not necessarily in any particular part).

(605):

Um. Yes. I don’t know what it is about him that blatantly screams “Rapist!”

(605):

I’m sure he’s nice though…

(605):

He can be sexy… in a mildly creepy way… sometimes he just doesn’t know how to turn down his creep-factor ya know? He always pushes the boundaries and ends up going a step too far over the creepy threshold. Hits creep territory. He is neighbors with Willem Defoe and Paul Reubens in Creep-town.

(613):

Send me the fifth picture on your phone. Warning this can get a little weird.

(778):

*Sends fifth picture* Why the fifth picture? If you said the fourth then you would have gotten to see the picture of the troll face that I drew on the chalkboard in my English class

(613):

Lmfao. I want to see this

(778):

*Sends troll face picture* My teacher kept it up there for a while. Lol

(641):

eh, come entertain me.

(515):

cant. unicorns on break, and monkey ate the rabbit in my hat.

(832):

Ew. Woody does not have enough swag to data Barbie. Barbie only wants Superman, but Superman wants Batman and Batman wants revenge and revenge wants ice cream and ice cream is delicious and… what, what were we talking about?

(832):

“We’re talking about hwo Woody is a nerd who wants Barbie who is totally hot. Barbie, who is totally hot, wants sexy Superman who is totally guy and wants even hotter Batman, but Batman is on drugs and can’t leave revenge alone.”

(402):

…I guess I’m watching Boy Meets World…

(605):

!! DO YOUR PAPER !!

(402):

Meh got a second wind in me. Ugh this midterm is going to be death.

(605):

Seriously. So much carnage.

(605):

I KNOW. Ugh intros used to be so easy for me… I hate him. I hope he finds out he’s allergic to honey and then a bee who just got done making honey decides to land on his arm and then he starts to scratch his arm but the venom has already taken hold and he can’t figure out what’s wrong and they take him to the doctor and they epi pen him but it doesn’t work so he has to be under observation for a month until they can properly diagnose him and meanwhile his eyes were swollen shut after the honey attacked his body so he can’t take or read our papers. This all happens tomorrow.

(402):

…I wonder what would happen if I wrote an entire paper in superscript…

(605):

I think you’re losing it.

(402):

Brb deleting the universe