Random Texts

(661):

Ugh I ate so much salad…if I was a pinata only vegetables would come out, no candy.

(661):

That is the most boring pinata ever.

(863):

I just got some of those cool foldable sunglasses. Be jealous.

(+61):

Hi mum. My friend says you look like Emma Thompson.

(+61):

Tell him that if he says that again I will kill him, stuff him and cook him up. With an apple in his mouth. And then we will eat him for dinner.

(+61):

…He meant from Love Actually, not Nanny McPhee.

(+61):

Oh! Well. Tell him he’s wonderful.

(506):

hey what you up to?

(416):

I’m bringing sexy back

(847):

I am literally in the middle of nowhere.

(630):

Run away! You have an iPhone! Use the GPS.

(847):

Idk how to use it.

(630):

I’d say come here and I’ll teach you but we run into the same problem.

(972):

Of course. Thats also why they gave us the ability to send virtual boys to each other.

(972):

Boys?

(972):

That was supposed to say cows. I thought boys was funnier though.

(574):

Mom! The people I’m house sitting for…Yeah…I found their sex drawer.

(574):

Anything good?

(574):

Just Trojans, massage oil, and some KY jelly.

(574):

Standard stuff.

(289):

We do. And just so you know, don’t eat Mr. Noodles when sick

(289):

OK. I’ll keep that in mind

(289):

You’ll thank me later.

(254):

I wish I was a uncicorn. :/

(254):

SO FREAKING BAD! I would be a robot unicorn. Like on robot unicor attack. Yeah. That would be EPIC!!

(254):

YES. IT. WOULD. I’m gonna go visitit dumbledore and ask him if there is a spell that will turn me into a unicorn. I just booked a one way to England.

(+44):

My butt itched and I thought of you. I remembered how much I love you.

(+44):

Aw. My sentiments exactly xxxxxxxx

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