Best This Month

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(626):

bro, i lost my phone, is it at your place?

(626):

oh wait nevermind…

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(910):

Try to guess which harry potter character I am.

(919):

Ron?

(910):

Yes.

(919):

Are you serious?!

(910):

No…I’m ron.

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(764):

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to eat popcorn with a unicorn? I just did.

(920):

It Would be awesome. No question.

(764):

But if you didn’t share, it could impale you

(920):

awesomely dangerous, unless it used the horn as a kabob & shared

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(501):

Don’t frown, honey! I’m sure you’d make a wonderful stripper!

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(952):

In other news, my little brother (8) said it would be okay with him if i married batman. And to be honest, I really wouldn’t mind being married to a gajillionaire vigilante

(920):

His mortal enemy would mind. You must use your powers for good, not evil! for you are…. the Ginja Ninja! But wait! If Superman’s weakness is kryptonite, and yours is Satan/rainbows, what is Batman’s?

(952):

Sunlight….oh, wait….

(920):

batman is edward?? SHIT.

(952):

Batman’s not made of glitter, although we don’t quite know what lies under the suit.

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(216):

I can’t find my tiara. So upset right now, you have no idea.

(440):

…..Want a pair of sparkly, silver princess gloves?

(216):

See, this is why we’re best friends.

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(865):

I think I need to give the cat more cranberry juice…brb…

(865):

… Weirdest statement ever…

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(306):

Dude! My turtle just woke up from a 61 hour nap!

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(865):

You think the cranberry thing is wierd you dont even wanna know what I have to do with the apple cider vinegar.

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(857):

Dear rihanna please explain what sex smells like

(616):

Why the hail are these texts always from you.